What eggs and toothpaste have in common

Lately I’ve been running an awful lot on Saturday mornings, enough to make me feel sick to my stomach for hours, and then suddenly super ravenous for hours. So hungry I could eat anything, I guess even a raven, if that's where that word comes from.

This type of hunger is for your stomach what novocaine injections are for your mouth and it seemed like the perfect time to try something I’d been wanting to make forever but was always too grossed out: a Nutella omelet.

Here’s how to make a Nutella omelet, in four steps:

1. I think the key is to make a very small, very thin omelet. I knew there was a huge chance this would be a huge waste of food, so I only used one egg, and the biggest pan. I found all my kitchen supplies in an unmarked box in the basement of my apartment building a year ago, but if your building doesn’t have a basement you can use whatever kitchen supplies you’re used to.

2. Another key is whisking the egg for pretty much forever, I recommend accidentally turning on the oven instead of the stove, and then once you realize your mistake accidentally putting the pan on the wrong burner. This gives you at least five extra minutes of whisking time.

3. Make the omelet.

The eyes are hazelnuts.

4. Add Nutella. It’s actually some sort of organic naturally-sweetened free-range chocolate spread with hazelnuts harvested by hand models but it tastes the same, anything ranging from this to chocolate toothpaste would probably work. I almost added cinnamon before I remembered how horrible a mistake cinnamon eggs were, but in hindsight I think cinnamon would have been fine because…

Nutella omelets taste amazing. 

They taste like crepes but from chickens instead of from crepe-producing animals, and chickens are the best and crepe-producing animals are the worst. Really it’s impossible to oversell this food experiment. But it is possible that they only tasted good because I was so hungry. The possibilities are endless with Nutella omelets. 

Here's a gross-looking close-up and a delicious-looking tube of chocolate toothpaste to break up the text.